JayFublerHarvey.com

Here’s a little test that you and your friends can try. Go furniture shopping…preferably in rather expensive furniture stores. The ones where fake british and french accents are prevalent and noses are very high. The more ‘high-brow’ the better…the ones that have spotlights to flaunt their greatness are ideal. Make sure to wear a zipped up jacket. Engage the commission hungry associate that slithers over to you and say you’re interested in a bedroom set. After the second set that you’re shown, unzip your jacket…wide enough to show that you’re wearing a WWF T-shirt. :)

Anyone want to take a guess at the reaction that you would get…or that I got? ^_^ After getting a thinly veiled strange look, my path was diverted to the other side of store, passing up plenty of viable bedroom sets in the process, to sets which were far cheaper than what I’d been shown just a few seconds ago. Yes…even ‘high-brow’ stores have a few pieces of cheap shit. Such a shame…and I was ready to give that lady a nice commission too. Next time, I must remember to wear my Yo-Yo Ma T-shirt…

Beware of the new soda Sierra Mist! Drinking more than one bottle of this foul brew at a time can cause dire consequences to your internal systems. Save your intestinal tract the anguish and stay far away from this particular lemon-lime abomination!

This has been a public service announcement from the Soda-Pop Enthusiasts of America Society. To learn more about the dangers of lemon-lime sodas, pick up such books as "Sprite - The Unholy Mutha" by R. P. Murkins and "A Slice Before Midnight, A Burning in the Morning" by V. T. Finney.

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon has finally made it to the Akron area! I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with the theatres in this area. I don’t expect Akron to get any high brow movies right off the bat…we have one too many ‘Steak-n-Shakes’ to qualify for a first week release. But when a smaller city like Canton gets such movies faster on a regular basis, you’ve got to wonder what exactly is going on. C’mon folks…are there that many people still going to see Emperor’s New Groove on a Friday night?

‘Twas was my second time seeing CTHD, this time in a theatre with a larger screen and much more leg room. It was packed to the gills with people who didn’t seem to have much of a problem reading subtitles. Heard about crowds cheering this movie? Had a few tonight applaud after the movie as well as after a number of the fight scenes. The flik was even more enjoyable the second time. Watching the emotions peak through Michelle Yeoh’s beautiful, yet stoic face still leaves me mesmerized. Ahhhh…think I need to see it again. ^_^ You hurry up and see it too. Tell ‘em Jei sent ya…you’ll get 20% off of your Milk Duds.

Alrighty…Christians at my door. A few weeks back, I received a visit from some locals who wanted to know if I’d been saved by Jesus and if not was I sure that I would make it to heaven when my time came. Whenever I get asked questions like this, I have to fight back the urge to let my sarcastic nature run wild. I’m a born-again Agnostic from the church of Joe Pesci of Latter Day Wisenheimers. I’m recovering from a brief stint in the land of Methodists and fucked up Pastors. Needless to say, you’re not likely to see me eating tasteless wafers and drinking bargain basement grape juice on a Sunday.

Now, I tried to be nice and polite to these guys…a few nods, quick conversation and a "I’m not interested". But they couldn’t take a hint and even asked if they could come in and convince me of Jesus’ love for me. That’s when it happened. I didn’t get angry…there was no slamming of the door in their faces. Instead, a trigger went off in my head…I went to complete and utter BULLSHIT mode.

You should have seen it…a thing a beauty…improv at it’s best. A nice blend of semi-autobiographical Methodist occurances and stories from the inept pulpit with just the right dash pain and confusion that only an anguished soul looking for another home could exhibit. And they ate it up! I even got a pat on my shoulder with a consoling invite to their Wednesday Bible class where "…we can put you back on the path."

Later that I day, I realised that that wasn’t the first time that particular trigger had gone off in my head. I remembered being herded into small rooms at the JAR after a Petra concert (which is a story for another time ^^) many years ago, where we would be consulted on Christianity and the Bible. Now, I had no interest in this, but there was literally no way to get out of there without going into one of these rooms. The next thing you know, the BULLSHIT is in full effect and I’m exhibiting such wholesome and proper Christian values that I could turn Kool-Aid into wine.

BTW, if you’ve read the above and have come to the conclusion that you know where I stand on religion, Christianity and the like…you’re already on the wrong track. Do me a favor…if you have already have a Bible, go out tomorrow, buy a Quran and do some comparative reading. Not to worry…Jesus is in the Quran too. :)