JayFublerHarvey.com

Alrighty…Christians at my door. A few weeks back, I received a visit from some locals who wanted to know if I’d been saved by Jesus and if not was I sure that I would make it to heaven when my time came. Whenever I get asked questions like this, I have to fight back the urge to let my sarcastic nature run wild. I’m a born-again Agnostic from the church of Joe Pesci of Latter Day Wisenheimers. I’m recovering from a brief stint in the land of Methodists and fucked up Pastors. Needless to say, you’re not likely to see me eating tasteless wafers and drinking bargain basement grape juice on a Sunday.

Now, I tried to be nice and polite to these guys…a few nods, quick conversation and a "I’m not interested". But they couldn’t take a hint and even asked if they could come in and convince me of Jesus’ love for me. That’s when it happened. I didn’t get angry…there was no slamming of the door in their faces. Instead, a trigger went off in my head…I went to complete and utter BULLSHIT mode.

You should have seen it…a thing a beauty…improv at it’s best. A nice blend of semi-autobiographical Methodist occurances and stories from the inept pulpit with just the right dash pain and confusion that only an anguished soul looking for another home could exhibit. And they ate it up! I even got a pat on my shoulder with a consoling invite to their Wednesday Bible class where "…we can put you back on the path."

Later that I day, I realised that that wasn’t the first time that particular trigger had gone off in my head. I remembered being herded into small rooms at the JAR after a Petra concert (which is a story for another time ^^) many years ago, where we would be consulted on Christianity and the Bible. Now, I had no interest in this, but there was literally no way to get out of there without going into one of these rooms. The next thing you know, the BULLSHIT is in full effect and I’m exhibiting such wholesome and proper Christian values that I could turn Kool-Aid into wine.

BTW, if you’ve read the above and have come to the conclusion that you know where I stand on religion, Christianity and the like…you’re already on the wrong track. Do me a favor…if you have already have a Bible, go out tomorrow, buy a Quran and do some comparative reading. Not to worry…Jesus is in the Quran too. :)