JayFublerHarvey.com

I just had one of those “Oh My God” moments. I was watching an encore of the Rock-n-Roll Hall of Fame induction ceremony and I noticed that Keith Richards has the exact same hair style as my 75+ year old GrandMum. You know the look…like a Cockatoo on crack pecked the living hell out of it. I suppose it shouldn’t be too much of a surprise…old people (in my GMum’s case) and dead people (in Keith’s case) usually don’t give much of a damn about their looks anyway.

Hmmm? You don’t know that Keith Richards is dead? Well, the technical term is a ‘Syringe Zombie’. Keith actually died about 15 years ago. However, all the drugs he consumed during his lifetime (and after) have been keeping him running in a semi-life state. Prick his finger…watch the Jack Daniels come out. We need to reserve our thinking about him. If drugs keep him running, then I’d imagine a large platter of broccoli, cauliflower and carrots should wipe him out for good.

I’d also like to announce that when I get inducted into the Rock-n-Roll Hall of Fame in 2030 (and I will, you bastages just wait ^_-), my presenter will most certainly be Bono of U2. He seems to have this need to do it every year, even if he doesn’t even know the inductee in question. So, I’m reserving him right now, just so he knows he has job for that particular night…

Whoa…Les Paul is two razor shaves away from looking Adolf Hitler! I guess a six-string Third Reich special would be out of question…

DAMN! Kent State had their asses handed to them. So rude too…Cincinnati didn’t even bother to wrap it…they just put a bow in the buttcrack, set it on fire and left it on their door step. ^^; (The burning smell of ass-hairs must have been wonderful…)

Ah well. Way to go, Golden Flashes! All that world class water you’ve been drinking must have done you good. ^^

Really quick one:

GO KENT STATE! ^_^
(Bring on Cincinnati!)

Ever been on an “Express” plane? You know..the ones that aren’t actually speedy, but just end with the word “Express”. This is a warning for anyone 5 foot 11 and taller…stay the fuck away from these planes. “Express” must be the new synonym for “Hobbit Hole”. I knew I was in for something unexpected when I found out my seat was both an isle and a window seat. And then I boarded the plane…and couldn’t stand straight up! And I’m only 6 foot 3. “Yes, my son…remain like that and your hump will grow quite nicely!” Easily the most uncomfortable plane ride I ever had.

What 5 foot 2 sadist came up with that design? Just as long as your head doesn’t hit the ceiling when they’re sitting down, then it’s alright? For those of you in the 7 foot range, I think you’d have trouble even sitting down, unless you didn’t mind sitting on the floor. :P I’d rather fly AirTran/ValueJet before getting on another Express plane….
(Provided I had a parachute…)

I’m so stunned…it didn’t happen. February has come and gone and I didn’t hear one person make a ‘Man’ comment about Black History Month. You know the comment…."..’They’ gave us the shortest month of the year in which to celebrate Black History Month"…and other assorted variations. Well, I’m sure someone somewhere said something like that, so….The next time you hear someone say something like that, roll up a newspaper and whack ‘em upside the head! Such people need to get their ass to a library and get schooled on the real history behind the month. Hell, you can start by sending them here.

"What a waste it is to lose one’s mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is. "
    -Dan Quayle

Damn…I need to get back to writing these things more often. How ya’ll living? ^_^

Enemies of the United States have a brand new friend…it’s called the Discovery Channel. I’m all for the free flow of information, but I think the people at DC must have had a big drink of Naive Juice when they aired the special: Mega Tsunamis.

A Mega Tsunami is formed when a large piece of rock/land falls into a body of water at a high speed. Say a gigantic landslide which involves a massive piece of a side of a mountain. Once that hits the water, it creates a tsunami that makes regular tsunami look like the waves in your bathtub. Thousands of feet high and hundreds of *miles* long! Yes…hundreds of miles! @_@

While it’s certainly a fascinating feature of mother nature to learn about, the DC took it too far. They gave the location of a volcanic island in the Atlantic…an island which will eventually be the cause of a Mega Tsunami. This tsunami will travel across the Atlantic and fuck up the entire east coast of the US…guaran-fucking-teed!

Does anyone else hear a big warning bell go off in their head? These ahos just gave out the recipe for the guaranteed washout of the east coast! All we need now is some evil intent, a shitload of well placed explosives and WHOOSH…you won’t be hearing about how fucked up NASDAQ was today for a long time…

Boyz and Grrlz..give Monkey Bone a chance! Pay no attention to the commercials. They do an amazingly piss-poor job of giving a sense of what the film is really like. It’s such a disservice to the flick that I hope the person in charge of OKing the commercials has already been fired and has run back home where he’s reacting the what happens in Steely Dan’s Cousin Dupree.

If you enjoyed Nightmare Before Christmas (It’s the same director!), then you’ll enjoy the dark humor and wonderfully creative cast of strange characters and locations. Gorgeously nightmarish imagery…even on the amusing side when you see a dog’s nightmare (It involves cats with sharp objects ^o^). Three headed dogs…a Grim reaper ‘casting call’…a hot cat girl (which should get a thumbs up from the anime fans…)…a ‘runaway’ olympic gymnast corpse being hunted down by the organ removal team he escaped from. C’mon folks…Whoopi Goldberg plays Death…you can’t beat that. ^_^ Go check it out now before the theatres kick it out!