JayFublerHarvey.com

Did that hose cut off the air supply to your brain?

They’re still the main heroes of the hour. After 9/11, who could forget the contributions they made and what they sacrificed. I’m talking about the men and woman who spend their time chillin’ in the firehouse and chillin our houses when they’re on fire. They’re brave…they’re fearless…and right now they’re pissing me off.

Not all fire fighters, of course. Just some of them in my particular area. Little thing about me: I have high blood pressure. It runs rampant through both sides of my family and genetics decided to bestow it upon me too. Even when I eat right and cut out the unnecessary sodium, it’s still high. So, the docs have me on medication…and I have to get my blood pressure checked 2-3 times a week for the time being.

Enter the firehouse. A great, free place to get your pressure checked…assuming that they’re not off on a call. Now I don’t know what these guys are taught in their training, but they certainly seemed to have adopted an age-bias towards it. Almost every time I mention that there’s high blood pressure on both sides of my family, I get a ‘yeah right’ reaction. Just common sense that a 20 something with high blood pressure must not be living properly…not eating right…not taking the medication the doctor told him too, right? After they take my pressure, I get a rather condescending tone and a ‘no 29 year old should have high blood pressure’ rant.

Someone needs to take the large hand of edumakation and back slap these firemen until the essence of ignorance oozes out of their ears. I’m coming to these people for friendly neighborhood help, not lip and irritation just because I interrupted their viewing of Rush Hour 2. Already got the diagnosis from the doc…just squeeze the bulb, give me the numbers and mind your own damn business.

Tips for a non lethal marriage

After a quartet of Japanese nurses were arrested for the insurance murder of one of their husbands, insurance investigators announced five tips to keep husbands from being killed for the insurance money:

1. Don’t buy high-priced insurance packages. Hiromi Ikeuchi, who works at an institute in Tokyo that deals with domestic problems, said, “Wives usually worry about what will happen to them financially after their husbands are gone. If killing husbands solved this problem, some wives actually do it. Some wives have actually come to see me to consult on such a thing.”
2. Don’t get into debt. “If you owe money, it’s better to be jointly in debt with your spouse,” said Ikeuchi.
3. Take note if your wife suddenly starts using different or more seasonings. According to Ikeuchi, one housewife actually told her that she had started giving her husband extra salt and soy source in the hope that it would make him ill and eventually kill him.
4. Pay special attention to curry. “The spicy flavor hides the strong odor of most poisons,” explained Keiichi Tsuneishi, a biochemical professor at Kanagawa university.
5. Don’t neglect having sex with your wife. “No matter how old he is, a husband should pay attention to his wife’s sexual needs,” advised Ikeuchi. “He also needs to listen to his wife and talk with her if she has any complaints.”

^_^

Moronically Incorrect

A quick foot-up-the-ass to the cowards at ABC for their ’surprise’ cancellation of Politically Incorrect. ‘Twas the only thing worth watching on your train wreck of a network. Go forth, Bill Mahr…lead your people through the desert…back to the promise land: Cable.

Election Fraud…American Style!

Voting in May primaries has to be one of the most stale ‘duties’ bestowed upon the American public. For one, the majority of the candidates are running unopposed. Insert of the Yawn of the Ages into voting hole 4a. I think from now on, I’m going to do a write-in vote for every unopposed candidate I come across. Who would be a good choice…Benito Mussolini? Emo Phillips? 7 of 9? Gilgamesh?

Secondly, no one really seems to care. Less than 20% of eligible voters in my county actually voted last Tuesday. And apathy among the voters certainly leads to an apathetic elections system. I guess that’s why we’re still using the inadequate push-pin system, with no word on any upgrade. And I guess that’s why there’s so many security holes that even Mike Tyson could figure out how to commit fraud.

It’s ridiculous…there’s no identity check whatsoever! No checking of an ID. No showing them a voter registration card. They just take your word that you are who you say you are. A politicial felon-wanabee could vote in every district from sea to polluted sea and no one would be the wiser. Get more people into the mix with some decent organization and money behind it…
Jim Traficant would be proud!

Fuck with a Telemarketer: Lesson One

This is a good one for those particular telemarketers with no class or soul. Tell them that your wife/husband/son/daughter died recently and that you don’t have time to talk. If the TM is so insensitive that he/she continues along with their sales spiel, don’t get mad…get a pen.

Listen polietly and make sure to write down their name, their company, where they’re calling from and when they called. Then tell them that since they were so insensitive and inhumane, you’re going to get in contact with their company as well as their supervisors and get them fired. And if they don’t believe you, tell them that they already gave you all the information necessary to make it happen. Then hang up. :)

Whether or not you actually follow through is up to you. Complaints by customers about specific telemarketers carry a *lot* of weight, so don’t be afraid to pay that sommamabitch back for his/her insensitive ways. Rock on!