JayFublerHarvey.com

In an unprecedented move, the entity known by many names (God, Allah, Jehovah, Master P, etc) called for a press conference today in Times Square to quote “…set this shit straight”. In an awe-inspiring display, God suddenly appeared by the podium, flanked by individuals later identified as Jesus of Nazareth, Mohammed (formerly Halabi), Siddhartha Buddha, and a completely dumbfounded Nipsey Russel. (When asked why Nipsey was included, God stated “Ganesh was on assignment and I wanted to have the freak quota of the semi-deities represented properly)

“I have never, in any of his lifetimes, talked, yelled, whispered or represented myself in anyway to the foolish entity currently known at Pat Robertson. C’mon folks…you’ve seen him in action. I know plenty of you don’t believe in me, but the rest of you should give me the benefit of the doubt. I rarely if ever talk to those of you on the mortal plane, and me-knows never to unstable, glory-hounding pieces of tripe like Robertson. I have much more important things to do with my time. (Anyone ever play shuffleboard with Hendrix? The man’s a demon!)”

In an additional effort to tell the other side of the story, God will be releasing a new book entitled, “Pat Robertson is a Pompous, Lying Bag of Shite (and other popular blowhards who’ve used by name in vain for glory & profit).” When asked why he was taking this extraordinary step, God stated, “I got tired of waiting for Al Franken to get to it…”

Additional: There seems to be much confusion within many Christian churches all around the globe in regards to the appearance to Jesus of Nazareth. Instead of the long haired, pale complexion man that has been popularized by many artists, Mr. of Nazaeth had short black kinky hair and mahogany skin tone. One lady in the crowd at the conference stated, “Mmm Mmm…he’s even better lookin’ than Denzel!” When asked about the confusion, Jesus stated, “I’ve always looked this way. Not my fault your ancestors been making shit up of centuries. And by the way, Mary Magdalene has always been my wife. Now put that in your pipe and smoke it!”