JayFublerHarvey.com

Those who were elected to run and/or do actually run our Buckeye state have long deemed Casino gambling to be ooooh evil-nasty-bad for your teeth-worst for your soul.

What’s perfectly OK? Lottery….Scratch Tickets…Bingo…even Horse Racing. The proceeds from some go to help our schools…. *coughbullshitcough*

Selective gambling is the name of the game here. We must be protected from ourselves! They know what’s good for us, and that’s that. Of course…that’s only as long as we’re within the state’s boundaries….

Fortunately, the Lords and Ladies of Michigan, New York and West Virginia have provided us with the real deal right over the border. All it takes is a three hour drive; It’s like we’ve escaped from the tunnels and come up on the west side of the wall. (I can hear Nena and David Hasslehoff already…)

Strange it was, that I emerged from the tunnel this time…and found myself in downtown Cleveland. Enter the grand NorthCoast experiment…Poker down by the river.

The Nautica Charity Poker Festival is offering Texas Hold ‘Em ring games and tournaments every Thursday thru Sunday from now through the Labor Day weekend, right off of the Cuyahoga river in the formerly famous Flats district. Each week benefits a different charity…it had better since the charities themselves are the ones providing the volunteer dealers and personnel.

There’d been a lot of questions about the whole set up, so since I checked it out this past Friday, I’ll throw down the lowdown….

The Positives

• For a temporary event, the sturdiness of the whole tent was impressive. Very solid makeshift floors. Well thought-out layout, both at the tables and the waiting area
• Excellent air conditioning!
• Comfortable professional tables. Not casino level, but you wouldn’t expect that from a temporary setup.
• Decent concessions, both on the floor and off. They give you special cup holders when getting refreshments at the table too.
• Excellent tournament blind structure (starts at 25-50, blinds increase every 20 minutes) and starting chip count (1500). (At least in the $50 sit-n-go)
• Mega props to the volunteer dealer that was at my table. Knew the game…knew how to deal…was amusing as well as informative
• Plenty of shade-wearing, hat-pulled-down, i-play-like-the-WPT fools at the tourneys
• Plenty of security and floor personnel visible at all times
• Plenty of alcohol and entertainment within a 2 minute walk (It’s the flats, after all)
• Hey…it *is* for charity ^_^

The Negatives

• Money only ring games! Yes, actual US currency is used in the ring games instead of chips. (Anyone with a decent slight of hand could make money without having to play a hand)
• With a $10-15 per hour seat fee, plus the blinds (at the ring games), the charity “rake” is pretty hefty in comparison to the casinos
• Tournaments only pay out to 2 positions (originally it was three)
• They have no problem putting 11 people at a preset 10 people sit-n-go table
• Had to wait over an hour for enough dealers to show up so that a second sit-n-go tourney could start. Meanwhile, 5/10 and 10/20 tables were filling up all over the place. (The charity does make more money via the ring games)
• According to my dealer, most of the volunteer dealers are mediocre to bad to even ignorant of the basics of the game. Charity is charity, but they should at least know the difference between a straight and a flush…
• Bad initial press: On the very first day, some lady left her kid alone on the outside of the tent for three hours…all caught on videotape for ‘film at 11′ viewing
• Zero security outside of the tent. A friend of mine who didn’t play, but just came to check it out got accosted on the outside. (Better park close and wear your running shoes)

The End Result: I played in a $50 Sit-n-Go tournament with a total of an unexpected 11 people (they called one too many people to the table and didn’t want any hassle). An hour and fifteen minutes later, I’d won the whole shebang. :) I was given my first prize money…in a plastic baggie. (Yellow and Blue really do make Green!)

Is It Worth It?: That’s up for you to decide. I’m going back…there were too many fools not too. But I’ll make sure to include my Louisville Slugger as a trunk accessory…

Courtesy of CardPlayer.com…

Best looking WSOP bracelet wearer ever!

Hmm…maybe I should create a new category for quotes. Been running into a number of them recently that seem to hit the target with insane precision…a rarity for a sceptic like myself…

Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it. Do not believe in anything simply because it is spoken and rumored by many. Do not believe in anything simply because it is found written in your religious books. Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders. Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations.

But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it.

(Buddha, Date Unknown)

Yep…right up my alley ^_^
Analysis and reason go a long way…unfortunately not with everyone :(

[6/14/05 : Due to his case now being settled, I thought a revival of this entry from December of ‘04 was appropriate. Let’s hope after all this people know not to leave their children with a man who admits to having no problem getting into bed with them. I’m not saying he did it. I’m saying why even take the chance?]

Looks like a character from the extra creepy part of a Tim Burton movie. He’s the Thriller alright…people have nightmares featuring shit that looks just like that…

What’s more frightening are the parents who let their kids visit him at Neverland recently (by the busload). Moms, Dads & Guardians…this is the man’s second time on the alleged child molestation bandwagon. What the hell are y’all thinkin!?

(The word for today children is: CAUTION)

I thought about asking Papa Joe Jackson to come down to Neverland work his ass-whupping magic, but knowing Jacko’s current state, he’d probably literally smack his entire face off….

So…it’s perfectly fine for the states to decide who you can legally love…and whether or not your own life is yours for the taking…

But the smoking of mary jane even just for medical purposes is solely the domain of the federal government…and therefore not legal by their standards…so sayeth the Supreme Court.

Bullshit. Complete and utter…

Getting congress to actually repeal the federal law will be a monstrously difficult task…all the while suffering people will have no choice but to break the law…

Or…use the ‘legal’ drugs the government has gotten paid to force us to take by the pharmaceutical industry at prices numerous times higher than anywhere else in the world.

Sounds like that’s really the whole point…

Light ‘em up, folks. Puff, puff, give…

There’s always one award show each year that I can rely on not making me cringe, not writing stupid jokes for the presenters to deliver and always finishing on time. The Tonys were always the masters of intelligently produced extravaganzas…at least until this year…

The insertion of badly written comedic intros (for the most part) left the show with a taste right between the Grammys and the MTV movie awards. I fully expected to see Busta Rhymes and Martha Stewart show up next to present the Best Pimp Slap in a Musical or Revival award. Noone is interested in the comedy unless it’s written and delivered by the person speaking (i.e. Nathan Lane’s excellent bit….). Give up the pen and get back to giving awards.

What was most shocking was the unpredecented lack of professional mixing of the sound. This is something even the Busta-Award shows get right. Make all the appropriate level adjustments in rehearsal and be done with it. It’s not rocket science (or even 8th grade science). But after a full night of hearing so many vocals drowned out by the background music, I’m still left rather stunned. I did better mixing at the local dance recital last weekend…

And was it just my imagination or did Aretha actually sound bad last night? Something not right about her getting overpowered by Hugh Jackman…
(I would chalk that up to the mixing problem, but something tells me that wasn’t the case…)

Still…the show did have it’s moments….

• The great fall off the stage by Christina Applegate in homage to her real fall in Sweet Charity
• Hella-strong, high energy performance by the La Cage aux Folles ‘gals’
• Best of the night: Reverand Al Sharpton as the special guest speller in The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee (which is now on my definite must-see list)

And definitely appreciated that everything finished on time as usual (tho it didn’t give the Spamalot people enough time for their speech…)

Alright kiddies…remember what we talked about for next year.
Gotta get back to being as tight as Grape Nuts….

Ladies and germs…for your evaluation…

W. Mark Felt (The Real Deep Throat)	Hal Holbrook (All The President’s Men) (Deep Throat)	Linda Lovelace (The Original Deep Throat)

Man…reality just never lives up to the cinema…