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America History 102: The confederacy lost the American Civil War. The slaves were freed. Abraham Lincoln was assassinated. The reconstruction was implemented.

Fucked Up American History 102: The confederacy won the American Civil War (with help from the British and the French). The slaves were never freed (and remain in bondage to this day…referred to as ‘chattle’). Abraham Lincoln was captured on the run (being helped by Harriet Tubman, no less), imprisoned, and then exiled to Canada. The confederacy expanded south taking over all of Latin and South America.

The latter is the basis for the new mockumentary, C.S.A.: The Confederate States of America. The latter also represents one of the most uncomfortable movies I’ve ever had the pleasure/displeasure of sitting through.

There’s nothing like seeing your fellow people pictured in this day and age still in bondage and treated like property. Even within a faux history, it’s very disconcerting, and down right unbearable to watch at times.

What made me most upset were the many (too many, if you ask me) commercials that featured sambo-ish related products. While all these products were latter revealed to be actual, real-life products from the past, the point was made after the second commercial. Everything else seem to be excessive to the point of being offensive. (Still can’t believe there was “N*ggerhair Tobacco” @_@)

I’m sure some may think I’m silly for getting upset over a completely false story. Hell, Spike Lee is the one who presented the movie. He wouldn’t put his name on something so purposely offensive, right? Knew all of that beforehand…still didn’t change how I ended up feeling.

On the lighter side, the movie does come up with some interesting historical alternatives:

• The cold war was between Canada and the CSA. There was so much friction between the two nations, that the ‘Cotton Wall’ was built on their border.
• All the popular and/or intellectual people of note, both white and black, come from Canada.
• Expansion into Latin & South America keeps the CSA from entering WWI.
• The CSA recommends the use of slave labor workforce all around the world, including a Hitler run Germany.
• The CSA enteres WWII by sneak attacking Japan.
• Rosa Parks is a well known Canadian terrorist and part of the ‘Black Panthers’.
• The CSA is shunned by the ‘Summit Nations’ (those countries who actually won WWII) and become subject to sanctions. South Africa remains their only ally.
• JFK was killed partially because of his desire to discontinue slavery.
• An Office of Racial Identity is created to make sure that everyone with at least one drop of black blood is correctly identified.

I’m sure there’s plenty of historians who’ll scoff at a good many of these alternative ideas (RC, you hear me?).

In any event, I just wanted to throw out a warning to any people of African decent who might come across this movie. I’m not saying it’s a bad flick (I gave it 2.5 stars) once you look at it objectively. It’s just something that might make you upset when you’re actually sitting down to watch it.