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Did you know that I was in a movie once? :)

I’ve mentioned this before. “Otaku Unite”: a well done film about the American anime fandom available on DVD. While I was in it for less than a minute, I did get final say in the movie. Certainly better than nothing…and so begins my first step towards Hollywood. ^o^

Enter the second step! I finally got a personal listing on the Internet Movie Database (IMDB). It’s small, but it’s there. Excuse me while I geek out a little bit. :)

And for a look into the future:

• Third Step: Release unexpected sex tape
• Fourth Step: ????
• Fifth Step: Profit!!!

America History 102: The confederacy lost the American Civil War. The slaves were freed. Abraham Lincoln was assassinated. The reconstruction was implemented.

Fucked Up American History 102: The confederacy won the American Civil War (with help from the British and the French). The slaves were never freed (and remain in bondage to this day…referred to as ‘chattle’). Abraham Lincoln was captured on the run (being helped by Harriet Tubman, no less), imprisoned, and then exiled to Canada. The confederacy expanded south taking over all of Latin and South America.

The latter is the basis for the new mockumentary, C.S.A.: The Confederate States of America. The latter also represents one of the most uncomfortable movies I’ve ever had the pleasure/displeasure of sitting through.

There’s nothing like seeing your fellow people pictured in this day and age still in bondage and treated like property. Even within a faux history, it’s very disconcerting, and down right unbearable to watch at times.

What made me most upset were the many (too many, if you ask me) commercials that featured sambo-ish related products. While all these products were latter revealed to be actual, real-life products from the past, the point was made after the second commercial. Everything else seem to be excessive to the point of being offensive. (Still can’t believe there was “N*ggerhair Tobacco” @_@)

I’m sure some may think I’m silly for getting upset over a completely false story. Hell, Spike Lee is the one who presented the movie. He wouldn’t put his name on something so purposely offensive, right? Knew all of that beforehand…still didn’t change how I ended up feeling.

On the lighter side, the movie does come up with some interesting historical alternatives:

• The cold war was between Canada and the CSA. There was so much friction between the two nations, that the ‘Cotton Wall’ was built on their border.
• All the popular and/or intellectual people of note, both white and black, come from Canada.
• Expansion into Latin & South America keeps the CSA from entering WWI.
• The CSA recommends the use of slave labor workforce all around the world, including a Hitler run Germany.
• The CSA enteres WWII by sneak attacking Japan.
• Rosa Parks is a well known Canadian terrorist and part of the ‘Black Panthers’.
• The CSA is shunned by the ‘Summit Nations’ (those countries who actually won WWII) and become subject to sanctions. South Africa remains their only ally.
• JFK was killed partially because of his desire to discontinue slavery.
• An Office of Racial Identity is created to make sure that everyone with at least one drop of black blood is correctly identified.

I’m sure there’s plenty of historians who’ll scoff at a good many of these alternative ideas (RC, you hear me?).

In any event, I just wanted to throw out a warning to any people of African decent who might come across this movie. I’m not saying it’s a bad flick (I gave it 2.5 stars) once you look at it objectively. It’s just something that might make you upset when you’re actually sitting down to watch it.

Did I ever mention that I was in a movie? :)

About five years ago, during the true twilight of my anime/manga days, I was interviewed by a ‘will-one-day-be-famous’ film student at the last anime convention I ever attended (More on this in my original Otaku Unite post).

This gentleman was making a documentary on the American anime/manga fandom. The history behind it…the passion beneath it; Why we do what we do, and who do we dress up as when we do it. He called it Otaku Unite.

I was more than happy to give my help with this endeavor. While I wished this gentlemen the best of luck, I didn’t think much would come of it. Most movies don’t see the light of day outside of their creator’s own dreams and ye ole editing room.

Wrong I was…quite wrong. :)

After numerous showings at various anime conventions and even the Philly film festival, Otaku Unite has found itself at your local store…on DVD. Just look for it in the Anime section (if they have one) and you can watch yours truly getting the last word in on the film (among other things). ^_^

(I’m only in it for about 20 seconds total or so, but I’ll take what I can get ^_-)

(I just wish there was a way to digitally remove me rubbing my nose so much @_@)

Congrats Eric & the Otaku Unite team!

‘Twas a much better year that I expected! Considering all the 3 star movies I saw, I really need to think about a 3 1/4 star rating…not all 3 stars are equal for damn sure. ^^

Three cheers again for Cedar Lee and Shaker Square for providing many an independent option….for Valley View for providing DLP and giant screens…and for Hudson Regal for actually making sure the picture was focused!
(Yes, Akron Theatres…you still suck massively!)

(Saw over 80 films…still feel like I missed something good tho…)

Can I get a witness?

Past Year’s Top Ten (Nov 2004-Oct 2005)

1. Hotel Rwanda (4 Stars)
2. Million Dollar Baby (4 Stars)
3. Finding Neverland (4 Stars)
4. The Incredibles (4 Stars)
5. Sideways (3 1/2 Stars)
6. Kinsey (3 1/2 Stars)
7. The Machinist (3 1/2 Stars)
8. Crash (3 1/2 Stars)
9. Batman Begins (3 1/2 Stars)
10. Saving Face (3 1/2 Stars)

Best of the Rest

11. Sin City (3 1/2 Stars)
12. The Aviator (3 1/2 Stars)
13. The Woodsman (3 1/2 Stars)
14. Mad Hot Ballroom (3 1/2 Stars)
15. Cinderella Man (3 1/2 Stars)

Surprise Movie of the Year

• Saving Face
  (Came outta nowhere…very sweet, touching, well written love story between two women in the modern Queens, NY Chinese community)

Big, Red, Infected Donkey Dick of a Movie of the Year

• Stealth
  (Good lord…the worst episode of the Jaime Foxx show was better than this ‘Top Gun meets Brain Damage’ tripe)

Underrated Movie of the Year

• Fever Pitch
  (Jimmy Fallon plays the ultimate Red Sox fan like he was born into it…very intelligent comedy!)

Whole Lotta Fun Movie

• Mad Hot Ballroom
  (New York elementary school kids meet Latin dance competition!)

Very Difficult to Watch (but still Great) movie

• The Woodsman
  (Story of a ‘recovering’ child molester…arguably Kevin Bacon’s best performance)

Mouth Drop Wide Open movie

• The Aristocrats
  (All the most famous comedians anyone’s ever heard of….performing the dirtiest joke in the whole world than none of us have ever heard…)

Best on Video Seen this Year

• The Upside of Anger
  (The ending flipped me on my ass…so not expecting it. Joan Allen could get nominated for this one…)

Guilty Pleasure of the Year

• Sahara
  (Features the most ridiculous premise ever…but still a lot of fun ^_^)

Ladies and germs…for your evaluation…

W. Mark Felt (The Real Deep Throat)	Hal Holbrook (All The President’s Men) (Deep Throat)	Linda Lovelace (The Original Deep Throat)

Man…reality just never lives up to the cinema…

Revenge of the Sith…

Fantastic special effects…expected and appreciated…

Great battles, light saber or otherwise…expected and appreciated…

Stilted dialogue and acting (except for Palpatine)…unfortunately (and fortunately) expected…

Way too many scene transition wipes…unexpected and not appreciated…

Still…I could have looked past all the bad and irritating…it’s not like a Star Wars film (or at least 4-6) doesn’t usually contain those…everything else overcompensates and leaves you feeling WOW (or somewhat of a WOW) afterwards.

I was perfectly willing to come back and give the movie and big thumbs up…except for one thing…

Considering all the things that happen 10 minutes before and after Anakin submits to the Dark side, his immediate acceptance of the darker faith seemed overwhelming, painfully, mindnumbingly FUCKING UNBELIEVABLE!

Why and how Anakin turns to the dark side is what fans of the series have wanted to know for almost thirty years…the moment of his acceptance is crucial to the believability of it all. And frankly, Lucas failed miserably.

I won’t go into details, so I don’t spoil it for people, but I’ll tell you that I was literally left with a bad taste in my mouth for the rest of the film (which, by itself, was pretty damn cool, otherwise).

I still don’t know what to rate the damn thing. It’s a damn shame…the effects and battles were sooo tizzaight. Talk about a scene that needed to be massively reworked and rethought…WTF…

And the beat goes on…
After you read these, go out and see Crash…
Fantastic…Emotionally manipulating…Sugoi powerful film!
(When you get a great performance out of Sandra Bullock, you know you’ve got a unique film)

The Interpreter (http://www.theinterpretermovie.com/)

• Good: Oscar Winner Nicole Kidman as a White Afrikaner interpreter
  Much Better: Oscar Winner Charlize Theron, a real life White Afrikaner
• Superbly understated performance by Sean Penn…reminded me nothing of Spicoli…
• Return of the underutilized Catherine Keener (of ‘Being John Malkovich’ fame)
• Big props for giving a bunch of Carribean bruthas a nice payday. I know when I think of Africa, I hear calypso music…
• My first problem: Nighttime UN security. Found it very hard to believe anyone could run full blast, out of the UN at night, without anyone stopping them or running after them.
• My second problem: Won’t reveal the specifics, but it’s another ridiculous security lapse. I really hope Sydney just got over anxious with his plot devices
• Special Note: I was actually visiting the United Nations while Sydney Pollack was scouting out the place. Saw him eyeballing one of the lesser auditoriums. Good Job, Syd. You kept the hideous 60’s style of upholstery to a minimum.
• Overall: Very well acted and enjoyable enough to sorta-recommend. The plot holes leave much to be desired tho…

The Amityville Horror (http://www.amityvillehorrormovie.com/)

• Was semi-nauseously awaiting this remake of a childhood fave…spewing was kept to a minimum…
• Considering how painful it was to watch some of the American ‘remakes’ of Japanese horror films this year, it’s good to see anything with some teeth (even if they’re baby ones)
• Enjoyed them delving deep into the history of the secret room…nasty piece of work…
• Still…it’s no Saw…never could be…
• Side Note: Just don’t take for granted that this was all a hoax. None of the movies nor the original book tell the full, real story. Before you start to throwing bullshit into the air about authenticity, talk to the family themselves…
• Overall: Worth a rental. Much better fare than the Grudge remake or the Ring Two…

The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (http://hitchhikersmovie.com/)

• Must warn you…I never touched the book until after the movie…(slay me for my ignorance if you must!)
• Two words and overused punctuation: Mos Def!!!!
• Absolutely adored the entire planet builders segment :)
• Enjoyed the quirky Brit humor for the most part (Smeghead ahoy!), but there’s was definitely a big feeling of being left out of the joke…
• I thought it was geeky watching trekkers, star wars, and harry potter fans dress up for movies. Those pale in comparison to all the people wearing towels in my theatre. The looks of confusion by the theatre staff was priceless.
• Bought the Hitchhiker compendium right after the movie…I’ll get to it…
• Overall: Enjoyable. Mildly amusing…tho, you might find it a bit off if you have a normal sense of humor.

Bride and Prejudice (http://www.brideandprejudicethemovie.com/)

• My first Bollywood…the dancing…the music…the saris of many colors…I’m certainly diggin’ it ^_^
• From the director of ‘Bend it Like Beckham’…certainly has a similar feel (and ending musical montage)…probably up your alley if you enjoyed that soccer joint…
• Aishwarya Rai…”The most beautiful woman in the world”…who am I to argue?
• Big ups to my man from Lost, Naveen ‘Sayid’ Andrews, who kicks it as the “Indian MC Hammer” ^^
• Overall: Quite funny and a whole lot of fun. A DVD you should certainly check out, especially for those into musicals ^^

For even more proof that I spend way too much time in dark, sticky dens of comfort, pleasure and total sensory immersion, hereth lieth some thoughts on the cinematic discoveries of the month of April…

Beauty Shop (http://www.mgm.com/beautyshop/)

• One too many Maya Angelou quotes. Ladies, Maya is a gem, not a bumper sticker.
• Trying to picture the guys in ‘Barbershop’ getting way with the same level of sexual talk…nah, that type of shiz never happens with the fellas.
• Djimon Hounsou has become the hard body equivalent of Taye Diggs. Rock on Amistad!
• Latifah’s Hollywood connections must have owed her a favor or ten. Kept saying to myself, “WTF is Alfre Woodward doing here?”
• Damn…Keshia Knight Pulliam is fine. Fellas…why Rudy from the ‘Cosby Show’ gotta end up fine?
• The six degrees of Kevin Bacon just brought 75% of the black actors in Hollywood at least 2 steps closer. ^o^
• Overall: OK funny. Rather over the top in places, slim plot, but somewhat chuckle-worthy. Not as solid as ‘Barbershop’ (did I really use ’solid’ to refer to BS1?), but it’s a no brainer…the sequel cometh. ‘Beauty Shop 2: First Weave’?
• Side Note: Enough of a ‘review’ for ya, Big Slick? Michael Mann’s directing the next one, you just watch…

Fever Pitch (http://www.feverpitchmovie.com/)

• By far the best movie of the month. Yep, a Drew Barrymore movie wins the prize. Well written…decently acted…engaging story. Everyone knows somebody like that crazed Red Sox fan.
• I will admit it…I do Barrymore films on GP. Glad when there’s some decent meat to go along with all that cuteness and energy.
• Kudos to Jimmy Fallon…you were born to play that role and you lived it perfectly. Good to see another SNLer hop on the “So, this is what a good movie feels like” bandwagon.
• What the hell is with the MLB…letting Drew & Co. on the field when the Sox actually won the World Series? I’m barely interested in baseball and even I know that was a bad decision.
• Overall: Must See! Very underrated movie…

Kung Fu Hustle (http://www.kungfuhustle.com/)

• Gloriously silly and inventive! Roger Ebert hit the mark: It *is* Looney Tunes meets Kung Fu.
• Sooo much better than the original version of Shaolin Soccer (Stephen Chow’s other movie). Much tighter…someone actually storyboarded this one.
• Amusing parodies of ‘The Gangs of New York’, ‘The Matrix’, and even ‘The Shining’. They’re all meshed together very well.
• The day I find a guitar (or any string instrument) that can decapitate my enemies with the flick of a wrist is the day I will truly come into my own.
• Huge points for not dubbing the movie! The subtitles were just fine and no one really seemed to mind. First ‘Hero’, now this. Our secret plan to get the American public to read their movies is still on schedule…
• Buddha’s Palm Inc…tearing down your house…one powermove at a time.
• Overall: Quite enjoyable time at the movies. Even silly enough for non kung fu fans to enjoy.

(What…were you expecting reviews of something else? Just because someone told me I looked like Ron Jeremy once, doesn’t mean you’ll find juicy-juice reviews here. Still…I never did get around to reviewing Caligula…)

Once again, I had to leave the dungeon-like theatrical confines of the Akron area (The theater owners here should be ashamed) in order to see Sin City in sweet, sweet digital DLP about 40 minutes away.

(Yes, I will drive my ass a way for a better theatrical experience…)

Just some Jei-ish impressions. With these, you’ll be able to compose any theatrical doctoral thesis, give yourself the strength of ten drooling fanboys, or just sound mildly incoherent. The choice is yours.

Positives:

• Love, love, love the noir style. And I do appreciate the scene by scene attention to detail. A great tribute to the comic book.
• Wonderfully, unapologetic violence and nudity. Came up with many a new way to slice open body parts…
• White flowing blood should be used more often. It’s classy…it’s splatters well…and it’s NC-17 proof
• Simply great dialogue in some places. A type of dark humor that seems to flow very well where insane violence is involved
• Mickey Rourke: Career reviving role…best performance in the movie. Gruesomely funny and proud of it
• Benicio Del Toro: Funniest Pez Dispenser Ever!
• Elijah Wood: Hella Creepy…Frodo ain’t got shit on him
• Jessica Alba: ^_^ (Nothing more needs to be said)
• Devon Aoki: SweetAss Silent Assassin!
• Devon Aoki Part 2: Dear Lord…The B&W styling of the movie made her look good from more than one angle
• Wolf: That’s good eatin!
• Bruce & Owen: They a’ight
• Kudos to Director Rodriguez for bucking the system and making sure Frank Miller got director rights too

Negatives:

• In a few instances…very cheesy dialogue
• In a few instances…rather awkward attempts at performing said cheesy dialogue
• In a few instances…the scene seemed too ‘greenscreened’…not sure if was the actors or the director, but those moments are certainly there…
• All the nonsense about “Guest Director Tarantino”…sorry Quint…couldn’t tell what part you did…

Final Thought: Can’t wait for the DVD, so I can give it a more in-depth study

Rating: 3 1/2 Stars

“Fuck y’all” to those awaiting my *fools* review of Beauty Shop ;)

Just a little reminder for all the Miyazaki deprived people out there…Tuesday, February 22nd is your wake up call!

Head to your local Best Buy, Wal Mart, Target, KMart, Roscoe’s Chicken and DVDs and purchase the latest salvo from the greatest modern animator, Hayao Miyazaki!

(The man behind the Oscar winning Spirited Away, Princess Mononoke, Kiki’s Delivery Service, My Neighbor Totoro & Castle in the Sky).

Two of Miyazaki’s most famous films (as well as another great film from his Studio Ghibli) are being released in the states for the first time (on multilingual, subtitled and dubbed DVDs)

• Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind (Even More Info)
  (Was his most famous film for a very long time…Nausicaa is the icon for the post!)
• Porco Rosso (Even More Info)
  (Miyazaki’s pigs can fly…”I’d rather be a pig than a fascist”)
• The Cat Returns (Even More Info)
  (Same cat from the popular Whisper of the Heart)

And never fear…there’s even more Miyazaki more to come this year!